Good Intentions
Jenny Williams
Every significant thing I've ever done has been accompanied by a strong almost overwhelming pull to disobey. The first 4 months here at Talua Ministry Training Center were met with bouts of scheming and devising plans to get out of this commitment.
It was a familiar feeling from the last big challenge God set before me. I knew I had to fight this rebellious tendency. It wasn't culture shock that pressured me (I've been to the 3rd world). Nor was it the simple living (2 monthly periods without a fridge, broken stove, 7 people in 2 bedrooms, limited internet communication and electricity, no hot water, fetching drinking water and transport on the back of a truck.) I'm just very independent and wanted to go back to NZ away from this 24/7 commitment. Wouldn't Hudson Taylor think this pathetic?
I always say yes to God with the best of intentions but almost from the minute I start to move in His direction I want to turn and run. How is it that sin intrudes into even our best intentions? Pressure from Satan can be unnoticed. We know he's a thief, why don't we recognize him. Instead we fall prey to the feelings of failure. Nehemiah 4:11says, ”Our enemies said, 'Before they know it or see us, we will be right there among them and will kill them and put an end to the work'.” How often is our work put to an end by the enemy, without us even realizing we need to fight?
When I'm not in selfish mode, I'm extremely grateful to be here. It is the best thing that could have happened to our family. If you want to turn your kids onto God, go on mission. I find it hard to list the benefits to our children.
Shortly after we heard of the position here at Talua, I attended a women's evening at which the speaker was a home school mum who spent her childhood in Papua New Guinea. Well, I couldn't believe it – my #1 concern. I had just finished 20 years of preschoolers and was finally at a turning point in life and now God was wanting me to do homeschooling instead. I don't need to explain what I was thinking. But as always, God has the best way of doing everything.
My youngest boy struggles with school and this move has been the best possible thing for him. He grows daily in confidence and ability. Of course the kids are missing out on lots of activities and learning but none of these compares to the benefits. They have learned a new language and how to adapt to a whole new way of life. We also deviate from the Correspondence material to explore all sorts of topics and places in the world. I have learnt heaps! Spiritually, I have been able to feed them a much better meal than the schools dish up.
Our oldest girl, Beth, (yr 13) struggled with homesickness and the missing of friendships. I was confident all the while though that this move was absolutely the best thing for her. In the West we as parents obsess about giving our children the most opportunities at school, sport and the arts. Taking our children away from the “opportunities” has changed their lives. Beth settled in brilliantly after awhile finding friendships amongst some house girls. This was not expected as there are not usually teenage girls here at Talua. We were told that it was likely there would be no teenage girls. God had all that organised of course. Both Beth and Kaye (14) have gained valuable experience in teaching English, Maths and Piano to some of the kids that can't afford schooling.
So if God is asking you to do something that you don't think you are up to then you are probably right. Does it really matter if we're not capable? Does it really matter if we are wimps? When we make a commitment with “the best of intentions” we will undoubtedly stumble somewhere. They sing a song here “God has never failed me yet”. I know I can't always trust my good intentions, but I can say I trust God to finish the good work that he has started.